He says his drug use is under control, and won’t accept that he has a problem. I don’t know what to do or how to help him… I follow him around all the time, playing the policeman in our own home. I’d like your expert opinion.
It’s usual in cases like these for the user to think they don’t have a problem, to react aggressively to suggestions that they do, and to refuse to discuss the matter. When the people in a user’s social environment get angry with them, or try to help them in any way, as you have done, they usually make little progress.
You should know that a fundamental precondition for helping something off drugs of any sort is for them to want to quit. Since nothing can be achieved until the user really wants to quit, your first task should be to minimize the side-effects of their addiction, whether these are financial and affect the whole family, or psychological. This means that your primary focus should be on your partner, and that you should put yourself and your children, if you have any, in second place for a time.
Talk openly with him, don’t hesitate to tell him how you feel, and impress on him—and, even more so, on yourself—that you’ll be there to support him if he decides to enter treatment.
Right now, it’s important that you seek help from a specialized Family Support and Counselling Centre; the staff there will help you implement changes aimed at making the family function better, and at getting your partner seek help.